Tuesday, 2 December 2008

The Wayward Thoughts Hotel

In the middle of last week, terrorists attacked several targets in Mumbai, including 2 luxury hotels, as I'm sure everyone is aware. As a result there has been much attention on the roles of the Indian police, commandos and the procedures that they operated by, which has resulted in the resignation of atleast two ranking officials.

However, to get to the point of this post, whilst I was reading various accounts of the events mentioned above, I came across this article from the International Herald Tribune by Keith Bradsher. Now I can see where he's coming from with the whole, "this'll change everything" approach to how hotels are designed. But I'm a little amused (if one can be considering the recent events) by this statement:

..the attacks have underlined the vulnerability of five-star hotels to determined attacks by determined gunmen armed with military assault rifles..
I mean, this guy Bradsher is smart, quick to realise that hotels are vulnerable to attacks by gunmen with assualt rifles and hand grenades, a point he seems determined to make. Who'd have thought it? Whilst slightly further on in the article, he's right on the money again:

Yet even security guards armed with handguns might hesitate to resist an assault by heavily armed terrorists who have a detailed knowledge of the hotel's layout..


But seriously, are there buildings that could survive such an attack, short of a military base or bunker? I don't think so. Bradshers resident expert isn't making his article much more credible either, suggesting that as well as changing your sheets, your maid will be checking your belongings for explosives.
At some point, Coldrick said, "we might see cleaning ladies with explosives detectors."

But of course, it's easy to criticise without having to give a solution to the problem, so here's mine:

the Wayward Thoughts Hotel:
- 1 Room, Sleeps 75
- Balcony
(Only accessible at night, no lights permitted due to snipers)
- Roof Terrace (See Above.)
- Guest Parking
- 5 Star Security Rating

See a Picture here - (Apologies for awful photoshop skills in advance)

Welcome to the Wayward Thoughts Hotel a (once) modern, stylish (some say) non smoking hotel, located right in the heart of fashionable Normandy, and directly adjacent to the famous D-Day beaches.

The sleeping quarters are air-conditioned* and we offer complimentary bullet proof jackets and helmets for every guest. The hotel features various dining options – our bar serves light meals and snacks throughout the day, whilst our Restaurant serves period food** from 6 - 10pm.

The gun emplacements can accommodate up to 180 guests, perfect for conferences and meetings.We provide great customer care and a warm welcome. Whether you are travelling for business, pleasure or conferencing, our aim is to meet your individual needs and exceed your expectations.

*Depends on your definition of air-conditioned
**The hotel accepts no responsibility for illness as a result of eating 60 year old food.

Friday, 21 November 2008

What will people do for Reality TV?

Having recently watched some of I'm a (washed up) celebrity get me out of here, I think we can safely put ritual torture on the list. I can't help but wonder how people can subject themselves to embarrassment and near torture for the sake of a reality TV show. But they do, take for example Robert Kilroy-Silk, okay.. so he's supposed to be mad, but isn't he playing his character a little too convincingly? After all he spent a good 10 minutes humiliating himself on national television yesterday evening. (If you haven't watched the show, think spiders, eels, snakes, maggots, cockroaches, green gunk and any combination of the aforementioned...)

So they get paid, alot, and they also get back on (if they ever were on) the front pages of various newspapers, but is that really a price worth paying? I know we're in the middle of a credit crunch and all that, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather starve, dunno maybe that's just me?

A better title might well have been, "What won't people do for a reality TV show?", The responding list would probably be much, much shorter. Let's be honest, providing you've got a video camera and a pre-standing agreement with a major TV channel, you can do things to people that would, in any other context, come with a fairly hefty prison sentence.

As you might guess, I don't really watch much TV anymore, except of course Worlds Worst, Terribly Awful, Frightfully Unfortunate, criminals gone mad/pets gone bad/pursuits/robberies/riots. (Delete as Appropriate)
Which is of course totally different to I'm a Celebrity, honest, because the people who appear in these kind of programs don't know any better and are locked up straight after their 'performance'. Something that should be considered for their celebrity counterparts?

But even then, that's not the worst thing, everyone knows Kilroy-Silk is mad, has been, will be. The thing is, people - millions of people - tune in to watch this stuff every night, that's not one crazy person, that's millions of crazy people. And that is a problem, after all you can lock up 1 crazy person, hell, apparently you can lock up 505 'crazy' people and save money by cutting down on all the unnecessary things, y'know lawyers, trials, that kind of thing... But you just can't lock up millions of people, unless you're first name happens to be Adolf, Joseph or Saloth that is. Particularly, if for some whimsical reason, you intend to do it legally (It costs roughly £40,000 to incarcerate someone in the UK for 1 year.) I can't really count past 10, but I'm pretty sure £40,000 multiplied by say... 8.7 million (number of people that tuned into I'm a Celebrity on Monday) is going to be a fairly big number.

So with that option defenestrated, are there any other suggestions?

P.S Kilroy-Silk in action in: I'm (was) a Celebrity